Arguably, the best ever compliment is,

“it looks like you’ve never not had it.”

because either it means I look like myself or

I have fooled someone into believing that I am who I say I am or

appear to be

and

the piercer in Byron Bay said it about my septum ring (his work, so, yeah) as soon as the metal was in my face and someone I love in Florida (I don’t remember who) said it about this thrifted dress which would, unbeknownst to its complimentor, act as easy cover for my outside shit in the woods in Victoria Falls.

Well, it wasn’t so much woods as it was

untamed bush; mostly thorns and branches on the perimeter of the mostly empty carpark at the the top of wherever they park when they go “down the gorge.”

When a guy finds out you’re bisexual, whether he’s into you or he’s not, he will inevitably ask what kinds of girls you’re into. As if there are brands genres prototypes to be preferred. It’s actually somehow never not been a question in the conversation. He told me in this conversation how he actually really likes when a girl has some fat on her.

And I’m reminded of the stoned realization I came to while propped like a barbie doll on an uncomfortable couch in an uncomfortable dress: men invented high heels so that women couldn’t run away fast enough to successfully escape.

What I’m trying to say is

and man will find any reason for it to not be you

and what I’m really trying to say is

I’m no better.

Anyway,

I found myself head over heels, naturally.

I had worked this personal week on the front side of a work trip and, certain he’d be ready to propose by the end of it, I rose before the sun and accepted my coffee with milk as I settled into his passenger seat every one of those seven early mornings and I opened the gates that needed opening and I listened and the butterflies in my stomach fluttered and fluttered and

I’d like to tell you we know each other but I’m not, at this moment, sure that we do.

I take my coffee black, by the way.

And not before 9am.

One of the days

or nights

(the color of the sky escapes me now)

we got to the top of the gorge and the butterflies in my stomach turned to an immediate urge to shit

and while I should have been, and am maybe now, mortified, my wise body allowed for no peripheral emotions

absolutely no time or energy for internal chastisement

We needed to act

So, at the top of the gorge, to only the man in the driver’s seat of the Toyota Surf, I announced that I must take a shit before we descend. I said it with a cheeky smile and he returned his best; I asked if he had any toilet paper in this thing and he told me he did not but his friend, who should be here soon, would surely. And he said it as if it’s always well known who amongst the group is sure to have the toilet paper in his vehicle. And so, when his friend arrived, I sweetly introduced myself and then announced that I must take a shit before we descend do you have any toilet paper?

and then, as I was squatted behind his car and in my view were the two perfect strangers politely turned to face away from me and their cars, their third mate rolled in. And so, when I emerged from the untamed bush behind the vehicle in my made-for-me dress and boots, I announced, just to be sure there was no confusion about what I could have possibly been doing back there, that I just had to take a shit before we descended the gorge and hi, I’m Alex, so lovely to meet you.

Like I said,

a man will find any reason for it to not be you and

I’m no better.

Until You Know Better

do everything you can to afford the living scenario you really want – work hard for it because your space is kind of, well, everything.

ask the beach volleyballers at Camps Bay if you can play sometime!

do anything for injera and chicken stew

Great Artists Steal

“There is a difference between integrity and wisdom.” – Air BnB host, Jo