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67. Weeks One and Two
Focus: nervous system and the physical body hydration and hydration and hydration — I woke up thirsty and a big glass of water nearby the door tasted really good — somehow satisfying in the way water is usually not… My cat escaped — she, as an extension of me, showed her courage. She showed what had been in her the…
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66. Trying to Be Held by Friends and Mountains at Twenty-Four
Each of us exists only in relation to others — the way light refracted needs an eye to appear to be a rainbow, the way a cat is not dead until you dig it up and see for yourself I know thoughts are ever-flowing, temporary and timely and a lot of the time, wrong and misleading – especially in their…
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65. Trying to Say Yes to Things at Twenty-Four
It surprises me, still, to find out new things about my family members, like I cannot imagine that they had lives before I had a life. In my car with a brand new battery, as I drove her home from the Fruitville Lowe’s, my grandmother on my mother’s side recalled to me the details, the ones she chose or the…
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64. Trying to Earth Day at Twenty-Four
Barefoot and Covered in Dust Tapped on the arm,punched in the throat,flicked in the ear.My words feel emptyI show up latebarefoot and covered in dustmy breath smellsmy pores are cloggedto tell stories is to bear the burden of meaning-makingit is to be braveand ask questions, sure,more so, though, it is to listenThis time,I am most grateful for airthe breathmy breaththat…
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63. Trying to Get Taxed at Twenty-Four
Unfortunately, I listen to news in the morning because maybe I just need some sort of structure or routine, I guess. And if I’m going to listen to the news, it’s going to be reputable journalism — even if I have to pay for it. And so in the New York Times audio app, I heard a segment about how…
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62. Trying to Do the Right Job at Twenty-Four
I have taken some serious offense to the phrase, must be nice This is my fragility, of course. my guilt in full effect I am white and in strong physical shape. I am able-bodied and I come from a wealthy family and live in a town teeming with money. I am straight-passing and tall and for reasons entirely out of…
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61. Trying to Get My Cat Out at Twenty-Four
I adopted a cat on the 11th of January this year. Only recently have we started cuddling and purring in the early hours of the morning. When she is not pissing and shitting on my couch, she is the highlight of my day. Truthfully, even when she is pissing and shitting on my couch, she is a significant joy because…
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60. Trying To Know What I Want At Twenty-Four
“What do you want for Christmas?” for someone else to pay my rent for someone to tell me I’m pretty just because they think it I used to think that I could go my whole life catching feelings, that I could be the one singular strong and brave person who didn’t shut down and turn my nose up and close…
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59. Trying to See Snow Fall in Florida at Twenty-Four
I like that there are still things I cannot have on-demand. I like that in the age of next-day shipping and direct-messaging, it snowed yesterday in Tallahassee and when I wished today that I could drive up this weekend and see the flurries for myself it occurred to me that the snow will have melted because there are specific days…
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58. Trying to Do the Impossible at Twenty-Four
The impossible truth of “loving” someone: Today, she and I woke up (for the second time) (the first had one of us in tears at 3am) in a bed that belongs to neither of us, one person on either side of two snoring french bulldogs who also belong to neither of us. I told my boss who took a trip…