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31. Trying to Fail Forward at Twenty-Three
Quitting! Giving up! That’s right! You heard it here first folks! I will not be finishing this through-hike! *GASP* Well, I will be finishing it! In fact I am quite close to being finished with it. I think it’s safe to say my finish line falls just a bit short of the supposed “real” finish line is all. “WHY?!?!?!?!?” I…
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18. Trying to Decide My Orientation at Twenty-Three
As in Navigate As in Use a compass for the first time Also as in Find my True North Whatever that means I am typing from inside my roomy new Big Agnes tent (brand chosen after what I would consider extensive research on “best ultralight backpacking tents”), still connected to WiFi in my backyard, which is “the garden” to my…
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17. Trying to Grow Without Outgrowing at Twenty-Three
You must visit home because if you do not, you will not be there to hear your brother remember how you used to take your tea and your oats on the go when you were driving that old manual Jeep that would one day be his in high school. You will not then, as you take that corner on this…
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16. Trying to Find my Core at Twenty-Three
As in Core Values Here are some values given to me by others throughout my years: communication, hard work, accountability, trust, leadership, diversity, loyalty, love. Like guides, these themes have led me to well, here. And now what? Who guides me now that I get to choose? One beloved English teacher once said that in the practice of literary analysis,…
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15. Trying To Visit Home at Twenty-Three
Like the countdown to Christmas onward from December 12th, it sounds good on paper but anyone who knows anything about how time has a way of passing does the math to find, somehow, today is only one day closer to tomorrow than yesterday was and that seems impossible and requires far too much presence. I release the fear of being…
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13. Trying to Not Get Eaten at Twenty-Three
There are no natural predators in New Zealand. This was one of the very first things I learned when I got here; Kiwis claim it quite boastfully, almost completely ignorant to their privilege and the implications of their circumstance. 60-ish days in to my stay in Cape Town, I drove a co-worker home and as we passed family homes, all…
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11. Trying to Know my Knots at Twenty-Two
Some educated and credentialed man* told me today that life is just a series of course-corrections. By “told me” I mean that he said it on a randomly chosen podcast, and probably several others, as is usually the case with educated and credentialed men, and I heard it. And by “heard it,” I mean heard it. And so it felt…
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10. Trying to Water the Grass Beneath My Feet at Twenty-Two
(the sequel to “06. Trying to Collapse…” and the prequel to “(XX). Trying to Stay on The Wagon Forever…) Everyone seems to want to make it out to Europe mostly but also to America and sometimes even to Canada and no one who is from here can seem to fathom why I would want to come here, to a place…
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08. Trying to “Just” Move My Body at Twenty-Two
Leaving my athletic career behind — even calling it a career tickles the imposter syndrome in my throat, a devilish vulture-like thing perched on the shoulder of my self-esteem — has been a tangled mess for many reasons, most of which have something to do with my body and what it looks like and how it feels but mostly what…
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07. Trying to Not Join a Cult at Twenty-Two
I quit my first job when I was 22. As in, I quit a job for the first time I actually may have gotten fired The most irresponsible thing I have ever done. The reason I came to Auckland — the internship post-graduation, that was the plan, obviously. and I lasted 3 weeks. No worries though guys! I found a…