All I can see is blessings — like I am wearing blinders to whatever it was that afflicted me before —

I felt the fears yesterday — fears of failure and of being held accountable but I think the point is less

the fear

and more

the feeling

the fact that I could actually feel the fears. Because fear when it is really truly deeply felt is just like any other feeling in that it is merely a feeling. one that will pass eventually.

and in this way I am not overwhelmed at the thought of letting go and letting go and letting go each and every time doubt arises — I know that i have strong muscles for letting these things rise and fall — just as the breath cycles and as the moon cycles and the sun cycles —

we all go in circles and circles and circles around one another and sometimes

our paths intersect. Like when eye contact is not scary. And when you say some story you have practiced before, one about how you’ve always struggled with anger and not knowing where it all goes, and you notice how you’ve been reciting the same stories, searching for someone to respond differently

open palms over closed fists

each of us tells the same stories in cycles and each of us only gets brief moments to prove ourselves to the person across from us (who, as we all know, is just really the person in the mirror)

but that’s the kicker!

you don’t need to prove anything to anyone

conversation can flow and you can get “off track” and “lose your train of thought” because conversation is an art within itself. You can trust that you’ll get to exactly where you need to go — this is the ease I have found here in the rain

rain, wash from me my rust; make me unstuck. make my joints move freely and let me be clean from the comforts afforded to me here — let me move alongside fear and just

see what happens

I see the fear in my dear friends, too. And I see myself floating away from dear friends, wondering what else exists — why can’t I just let the thing be the thing, stop chasing what’s next, settle

settle?

I promise, it’s me; it’s not you.

What is it you seek, my girl?

Make me unstuck and wash the dust away — the red dust of a faraway place that felt something resonant of some kind of home — that dust can stay.

Trust the parts of you that want to run

Run if it will save your life!